OMG, Becky, look at that cat. It’s so…creepy. Ugh.
It looks like one of those goth guys’ cats. But, ugh, you know…
Who understands those goth guys? Ugh, they only take care of it because it looks broken and destitute, OK?
I mean, that cat, it’s just so sinister.
Ugh, I can’t believe it, it’s just so demonic, it’s like DOWN there.
I mean, ugh, gross, look, ugh, it’s just so BLACK!
I like black cats and I cannot lie.
You other kitties need not try.
When a kitten hops in with that itty bitty purr and a dark sheen to their fur…
You just melt.
So sleek and svelte.
Lemme just pet that pelt.
A couple pats’n that motor’s whirrin’.
On my lap this cat is purrin’.
Oh, kit-ty, you wanna get wet food?
Where is the pet food?
Lemme just cross this gantry.
Kitchen remodel’s blockin’ the pantry.
Oh, Rumpleteaser…
You say you want me to squeeze ya?
You roll and you roll, but I know that it’s just a troll.
I see you plannin’, tryna lure my hand in.
Then it’s slash! Scratch! Bunnykick and bite your catch!
I’m tired of YouTube scenes sayin’ orange cats are the thing.
Take the average cat man and ask him that?
And it’s grey or black!
So felines (meow), felines (meow)
Is there a dark hue to your coat? (meow yeah!)
Then let’s brush it! (brush it) Brush it! (brush it)
Brush that healthy coat. Kitty is black.
(Panther face with that kitten cuteness)
Kitty is black.
(Panther face with that kitten cuteness)
Kitty is black.
I like ‘em dark. And cute.
Throw the rest down the chute.
I just don’t have the time
for ugly, stupid animals.
‘K, maybe a Serval.
I’d wanna take that home.
But (ugh) ugly cats? (ugh! ugh!)
A tabby’s not OK, boy.
Nor calico, manx, or dons’koy.
I want ‘em short haired and swarthy.
Like the one at this party.
Nametag reads Malarky.
Time to go find my car keys.
So I’m doom scrollin’ on my phone.
Mangy orange tabbies in ugly beige homes.
You can keep them tabbies.
I’ll keep my Bageera-toned babbies.
A word to the sack cloth kittehs,
I just wanna stroke ya.
I won’t kick or choke ya.
But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna (Awww!)
Un-til com-mer-cial BREAK!
Then, kitty gotta be awake!
All my joints begin to ache.
Unlike most, I won’t pet it and jet it.
I’d rather stay and play.
With this thing, on a string,
And a suction cup mounted spring.
Hey dummy (meow?) dummy (meow?)
You want me to pet your tummy? (MROW!)
Then lay down here. On your back.
And don’t you dare attack.
KITTY ATTACKED.
KITTY ATTACKED.
Yeah, kitty, when it comes to felines
Pedigree got nothin’ to do with my selection.
That Morris on the cover of Meow Mix? Haha! Only if he’s dyed gris.
So your furfriend rolls up biscuits.
And it’s date night, so you risk it.
But Triscuit’s claw got a stocking and you cannot fix it.
Your fab-ric mix-es don’t like runs and now you’ve got tons, hun!
You can hack hairballs and throw-ups.
A noir chat god forgives.
Some others wanna pure bred Scot Fold.
Or mangy, tawny cats, real old.
So they gram it, or they Red-dit,
A black cat won’t get the same credit.
Some think that you’re bad luck. Well I don’t give a fuck.
‘Cuz your back is scratched and your butt is liftin’.
Behind your ears I’m scritchen.
To the fancy cats with the squished up face?
You stay in your place.
Give me a mix, then, with a hint of Nyx, then.
Be sure and have the doctor fix them.
Those other cats always hiss.
Or they roll around in piss.
Have no shame, really just should bin ‘em.
Have Garfield take Heathcliffe with ‘im.
So kitties, if the fur is black,
Just jump in my sack.
“Oh, you’ll adopt? That helps a lot! I’ll get this one it’s shots.”
Oh, I take it back.
I take it back.
I was a little razzle dazzled ’cause I like black cats.
I was a little razzle dazzled ’cause I like black cats.
I was a little razzle dazzled ’cause I like black cats.
I was a little razzle dazzled ’cause I like black cats.